God came to me in an email from my friend Mike McCarthy . . . He is a man of few words, BUT he said he was led to send me this message. . . "As you walk the pathway to your God-dream, remember the old Italian Proverb, 'Between saying and doing many a pair of shoes are worn out'." Then he said, "No problem. You can get another pair of shoes! Just make sure you don't wear out and give up! Here is God's promise to you, 'Keep traveling steadily along His pathway and in due season, He will honor you with EVERY BLESSING. '" I had no idea how badly I would need this thought by the end of that Rocky Road!
(Walking the Mesito).
It was like I was resting in the arms of God while He stroked my hair, soothingly saying, "I am with you Sidney. You can make it through. Just TRUST." And I was able to walk on.
He appeared through my sweet brother Kayo. When my spirit was sagging, I asked Kayo to send me links to a few songs. One was the wild and wooly song by Ray Stevens, "Help Me Make It Through The Night," another was Glen Campbell's "Amazing Grace" which made my spirit soar. But one I didn't request was, "In The Garden" which was one if my dear Grandmother's favorite hymns. Tears began to spill out if my eyes running down my cheeks as God touched my mind with all the lovely memories that sustained me with my Grandmother. I cry now as I write and my frozen heart melts. I had not expected this special gift of healing and release. God is cracking through what is left of my defenses - the last pieces of that awful wall that has stubbornly guarded my heart . . . Or should I say, that has kept my heart imprisoned. God gently rocks me in the security of His unquestionable love and fills my mind with the sure knowledge that He is with me. I am not alone. I feel both weak, and at the same time emptied out.
The Camino demands singular concentration as the difficulties beat out all resistance.
(The Camino can chew you up and spit you out.)
This is a good thing. I get so exhausted, there is no energy to continue to hold up old and useless defenses. And then there is this "Opening," a stream of love pouring from my heart and mind. I more acutely feel the unguarded love of my devoted husband Wayne . . . I feel his encouragement and respect. This is the other mirror God holds up to me to reflect what He has given me through Wayne, my children Cindy, Bo, and Brett; my siblings Ginger, Troy, Jo and Kayo; my Church Family; and all of you-our treasured and dear friends. On the Camino, I may Not always walk alone, but each Pilgrim is in our own solitude , , , and that is respected.
The Camino is a surprise. When you think you are at your limit, a rose garden appears and offers itself to be enjoyed in the moment.
(Even at our limit, we could stop and smell the roses.)
Or beautiful music drifts out of a bar beckoning us to come in and sit a spell. When "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies" came on, Izabela floated across the floor, all grace and loveliness. And a lightness filled the space.
(Izabela does the
"Doubly Expresso Waltz" ).
And for a moment, joyful energy renewed us.
The Camino gives us new friends every day. So many kindnesses.
(Vanessa
and John from Australia;
(Rob "the Red Beard" from Ireland)
(Sharon and Linda from South Africa and there are countless others.)
God showed up in Olga. When we thought we had no where to sleep and she took us home with her. We were like two little waifs left on the streets. And we were taken to Paradise!
(Olga in her Albergue.)
(Olga and her husband
opened their hearts and their home to us).
Once again, I found the truth in Einstein's statement, "All problems are brilliantly disguised opportunities."
So many of you have written to give me the strength and courage to keep going. Your comments help me to REFACE the difficulties and go on . . . Not to try to WIN, or to CONQUER, or to MASTER the Camino (for that can't be done), but to come to a peace within myself as I come to peace with the obstacles on the Trail, for this is Real Life. In it contains many of the brilliant messages of life.
Your encouragement means EVERYTHING to Izabela and me. It recharges our batteries and fills us with hope and energy.
THE CAMINO CONTINUES TO TEACH ME THE LESSONS I NEED TO LEARN. (Whether I like it or not). It can be a punisher and a bestower of great rewards. I suspect we take away what we allow ourselves to. One I like from this day was the illumination that "Allowing myself to experience unguarded love in giving and receiving brings me joy and sets me free. "
(Unguarded love liberates joyful
exhilaration and sets us free.)
These are God's gifts to me and I accept them.
Until next time, with love.
Sidney/Mom/Grandma
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